a letter to myself

I was supposed to go away this summer 

and travel the world, 

I was supposed to figure out who I am, 

I was supposed to come back with a tan 

and a smile on my face, 

but instead I’m stuck in this place 

And the walls are getting smaller 

I was supposed to grow this summer, 

get a little bit taller, 

but instead I’m shrinking, 

slipping away, 

and I’ve started drinking 

with no choice but to stay 

I haven’t learnt a new language 

or made any art, 

to be quite honest 

I wouldn’t even know where to start 

with any of that 

My brain feels too tight 

to take any of that stuff in, 

so I think instead I’ll just focus 

on learning how to take care of me, 

I think that would be a good place to begin 

Maybe once I know how to look after myself 

I won’t have to worry about being left on the shelf, 

I’ll learn to appreciate all the good things that make up me 

and maybe then I can figure out who I want to be.  

The poem is accompanied by a photograph taken by Elena Sohmen.

Hannah Petch is a poet, playwright, and freelance writer. She has a 1st class honours degree in Creative Writing from York St John University and is studying a for her Master's Degree in Dramaturgy and Writing for Performance at Goldsmiths University of London. As well as being published on Mxogyny, she is also featured in Valley Press' 2020 Beyond the Walls Anthology.